A Prayer For The Sleeping
by yllektra
Summary: The threat of passion taking over them. always looms over Richard and Kahlan and sometimes it is just too much to bear.


**Title:** A Prayer For The Sleeping  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything! :P  
**Characters/Pairings:** Kahlan/Richard - a bit of Zeddicus  
**Spoilers/Warnings:** General fic  
**Summary:**This is wrong. But they are alone.  
Under a bright moon and nothing to illuminate them but the fire burning next to them and inside them.  
And he feels so warm, so intimate, familiar as if he is "home" and all Kahlan wants is to bury herself deeper in his arms and stay there even as the world around them disappears.  
He could do that. She knows he wouldn't complain. He feels the same way.

-**Author's Notes:**I love Richard and Kahlan. Their love story is amazing on so many levels.  
And this was my very first LOTS fic. Crossposting it here from my lj fic community for the purpose of safekeeping. XD  
_~ English is not my native language so excuse any crappiness and/or mistakes!  
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**A PRAYER FOR THE SLEEPING **

[Zeddicus] _Sometimes all he wants to do is pray...not for him, because he is too old for anything to matter now, but for them.  
Pray not for the world to be free, but for them. Till they can finally be together...  
_

She can feel his breath hot against her skin. His hands roaming her naked flesh. And it feels right. So right that it must be wrong.  
It is wrong.  
She knows it is wrong.

And she wants to push his hands away.

She wants to disentangle her body from his and have the warmth and moistness of his breath only as a memory. She knows that if she said the word, he would stop.

Immediately, no questions asked, no matter how hard it would be for him.  
For her. For the both of them.

He always put her needs before his. Sometimes even before his mission.

A word would be enough.  
"_No"_ or "_Stop"_.

These are the words she should be saying but instead no words would come out, nothing would escape her lips but a soft moan, testament to her need, her failure.

She tries to show him with her body what her lips wouldn't say.

If she changed her body language, she thinks, then maybe he'd understand. Maybe he'd do what her own body wouldn't agree to do.

She shouldn't be kissing him, she shouldn't be embracing him, but she does.  
Tighter every time he kisses the side of her neck.

She shouldn't be smiling, she thinks.  
But she does and it is a wide smile spreading across her face.

And how is she supposed to get him to stop that way?

Every time she raised her hands to push his face away, she would pull him closer and all rational thought would dissolve in the heat of their passion.

_This is wrong. But they are alone._

He could do that. She knows he wouldn't complain. He feels the same way.

He experiences the same longing.

To feel her, consumer her with all his senses.  
But she is no the one with the big destiny.

He is.

_She is not the hero in this story, not even the sidekick exactly._

__

She is the invisible hand pushing him in the right direction.

The invisible veil protecting him. {And she is frail and fragile, oh so fragile...}

Ages from now, win or lose the war, Richard is the only one who is going to be remembered.

_She is not the hero._

__

She can't even be the love interest.

She isn't even the damsel in distress.

She can't expect him to save her. He has more important things to do, things that don't involve him kissing her or holding her hand.

And Kahlan knows that.

So, every time his soft fingers come into contact with her skin, it's not only pleasure she feels but guilt, as well. And shame.  
A shame so deep no river could wash it off and no prayer could lift.

Not while Zeddicus keeps giving her a disapproving look each time the smile on her face stretches to her heart.

This is his way of warning her that she shouldn't feel too deep, she shouldn't allow herself to get lost inside this.

If she does, then one fleeting moment of utter bliss and her eyes will change, blue turning into black, darkening everything.

Even Richard's soul.

No room for free will, or thought.

The Seeker would be nothing more than a puppet in her hands and who respects a puppet?

Who loves a puppet?

Something snaps inside of her and Kahlan realizes Richard can feel it.

It feels almost like a chain cloak covering her, freezing her in place.

"Kahlan? What's wrong?" Richard asks and this doubt and uncertainty is there in both his voice and eyes.

The taste in her mouth turns bitter and she wonders if this is because he stopped kissing her.

Now its sour and she wants to vomit, she wants to rid herself of everything, everything thats confusing her and making her feel so helpless.

Couldn't she cast a spell where no one falls in love with anyone?  
No pain, no confusion, no misery, no heartache. That's what she needs.

But its too late. Too late now.

"_Richard"_ she whispers and feels her saliva accumulating at the back of her throat heavy and thick like glue, obstructing her breathing.

"_Richard"_ she repeats, but she is not even sure she said it out loud. Maybe she didn't.

Maybe it was just every fiber in her body calling out for him, calling his name.

But somehow he understands.

Because sometimes words aren't needed between them.

One look is enough.  
One touch is more than they can both take.

His body responds and if only for a moment he stops kissing her and tries to catch her eyes with his.  
"_Kahlan?"_ he mouths again and her name coming out of his mouth sounds mystical.

More glorious than she deserves.

"_We can't do this. We shouldn't"_ she finally chokes out. "_We have to stop this now. I don't know if I can..."_.

He is cupping her face again, his eyes warm and expressive.

He wants her to explain what he already knows.

He wants her to put into words the fear thats has sprung in their hearts.

"_No, Kahlan. We can do this"_ he says, but conviction is absent from his tone.

He just has to try and he does.

"_I can't do this. Please don't make me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself"_.

Suddenly, he sighs. Abruptly, ridding himself of all the oxygen still lingering in his lungs, as if that was all it would take to make it all okay, to ostracize the desires off his body.

"_I know that"_ he admits to her and to himself and he pulls her into his embrace again.

"_I love you, you know"_ he mumbles and it is spoken so quietly, he isn't sure she heard it, but somehow, even though her face is almost buried in his chest now and he can't see it, he is certain she is saying those words too, just not loud enough for his eyes to register, but effectively enough for them to be imprinted in his heart forever.

When Zeddicus comes back early in the morning, they are still asleep.

The fire which had been burning all night has died and what is left is burned wood, as fragmented and as black as coal.

He looks at Richard and Kahlan sleeping in each others arms and the peaceful look on their faces.

He is just a solemn, tall figure above them, like a dark cloud looming over their heads and he hates his part in this.

He hates that he always has to be the one to take this happiness away from them.

He feels like the invisible hand always making sure bliss is out of their reach.

He wishes he could be just like any other grandfather, only having to worry about crops and what dinner should be.

He wishes he could be the shoulder to cry on and the one to give them his blessing.

But it could never be, it's too dangerous.

Yet, as he just stands there, over the children he has come to adore, he can't help but smile as his gaze meets their tangled fingers and maybe the future could have something good in store for them both.

Just maybe... 

Because he has always been an old romantic, as he has come to realize.

He just wishes it will take them more than it took him, to realize. Only that way, will they be safe...

~ Fin ~

Under a bright moon and nothing to illuminate them, but the fire burning next to them and inside them.

And he feels so warm, so intimate, familiar as if he is "home" and all Kahlan wants is to bury herself deeper in his arms and stay there even as the world around them disappears.


End file.
